Know your Potters
by KeiraGrange
Summary: Here it is the Harry Potter version of Know your stars! Now be a good girl or boy and read and review.....
1. Harry Potter

Heya fanfic fanatics!!

This is a Harry Potter type of Know Your Stars(All that). First up Harry. Well, go on hurry up and read it and I'll write another! Good girl/boy.

..::SBS::..

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Know Your Stars:

Voiceover: Know your stars, know your parents, know your burgers, know your pumpkins, know your Potters….

Harry walks in and sits in chair of doom.

Harry: Who said that!? Where am I?

VO: When in preschool Harry Potter would pick his nose and wipe it on his teacher!

H: What?!! (breathes heavily) That's not true! I didn't even go to preschool!

VO: Harry Potter, so dumb he can't even make it into preschool!

H: I'm not DUMB!!!!

VO: OOOH! I've ot him yelling his prune-shaped head off already!

H: MY HEADS NOT PRUNESHAPED!

VO: Your right actually, its much bigger like a watermelon!

H: ARGH!

VO: Harry Potter is a fake wizard that is actually a pirate! ARGH!

H: Wat!

VO: Harry Potter can't spell if his life depended on it!

H: Eye kan sew spel eff mye lyf deppnded onn ett! ( Translation: I can so spell if my life depended on it!)

VO: Harry puts fly spray on his food to enhance the flavour!

H: YUUUUCCCCK!

VO: Harry loves it when fanfic writers pair him with Blaise, Ginny, Hermoine, Ron and especially Draco!

H: Well, only with….. NO I DON"T!

Draco stands up with his hands on his hips.

Draco: Harry you said you were faithfull!

H: I AM BABY BUT…..

Violet: Don't worry dray! I love you!!( kisses him passionately)

VO: Eww.

H: SEE WHAT YOU"VE DONE!!

VO: Well now you know Harry Potter the dumb, nose-picking, watermelon-headed, five-timing pirate that eats fly spray and can't spell!!

H: Come back here you numbnut!!

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Well did you like!? Next is Hermoine then Ron.

Please review

xx..::SBS::..xx


	2. Hermione Granger

_**HEY GUYS!! The second chapter is here!! Sorry it took so long**_.

_**Hermiones turn!!**_

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**Chapter 2**:

Voiceover: Know your stars, know your spells, know your mud bloods, know your Hagrids, know your Potters…

**Hermione:** Oh no. Harry told me about you.

_VO:_ Hermione likes to lick the hand rails on escalators!

**H:** WHAT! That's dumb! You'll get diseases!

_VO:_ Hermiones so ugly she can't get herself a boyfriend!

**H:** I don't want a boyfriend!

_VO_: Ok then. Hermione wants a GIRLFRIEND!!

**H:** I'M NOT GAY!!

_VO:_ Everyone feels that way in the land of FanFiction, Hermione.

**H:** They do?

_VO:_ Oh yes! You know Albus and Severus?

**H:** THEM?!

_VO:_ Yep!

**H:** Well that's…hmm…

_VO:_ Anyway.. Hermione likes to dance in her undies to Japanese Karaoke!

**H:** No I don't!

_VO:_ Hermiones so dumb that she calls Harry a lizard instead of a wizard!

**H**: Why would I do that! He's not scaly!!

_VO_: That's what you know. Roll the film.

( The film shows a lizard with a wizard hat on which was clearly not Harry.)

**H:** THAT'S NOT HARRY!!

_VO:_ Hermiones so blind that she doesn't know that her socks don't match!

(Hermione looks at her socks.)

**H:** They're not mismatched!

_VO:_ Hermione has to check that her socks aren't mismatched!

**H:** ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

_VO:_ Why are you screaming Germione Hanger??

**H:** IT'S HERMIONE YOU SPED!!

_VO:_ Is that the best you can do??

**H: **NO!

_VO:_ Then do your best!!

**H:** You…ahh..umm……eh…oh.

_VO_: Hermione cant think of a comeback! Poor baby!

**H**: I'M NOT A BABY YOU FAGATRON!!

_VO_: Well now you know Germione Hanger the blind, lizard-calling, disease contracting baby that likes girls and dances to Japanese Karaoke in her undies!!

**H:** ARGH! THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!!!

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Yay! Next up, RON! 


	3. Ron Weasley

**Know your Potters**

_Hey guys! sorry I haven't updated for a while! Hope you enjoy it!_

_Ron's turn!_

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**VO:** Know your pets, know your boogers, know your teachers, know your friends' girlfriend, know your Potters.

**Ron:** Who the hell is this?

**VO:** Your mum. Who do you think?

**R:** My mum dosen't sound like some pediphile with a voice changer.

**Audience:** OOOOOOOOOOOH!

**VO:** Anyway… Ron likes to suck liquid from cracked thermometers!

**R:** Ewww, why would I do that? I would rather eat liver flavoured lollies!

**VO:** Ron enjoys ripping off his toenails with his teeth!

**R:** That bloody idiotic!

**VO:** Ron is SO violent that his mother had to chain him to a street light!

**R:** You ruddy idiot! Why would my mother do that? I am not VIOLENT!

**VO:** I know your not Violet! Violet Baudelaire is over there still sucking face with Draco the man whore.

**Draco:** Wha…th……….hl..?

**VO:** See I told you!

**R:** I didn't say VIOLET you dingle twang!

**VO:** Ron has the reddest of red hair that one day a fire brigade came because they thought there was a FIRE!

**Audience:** Rang-a! Rang-a! Rang-a!

**R:** Oi! That's not kind to judge people by their hair colour!

**VO:** So, since when do I care… I am supposed to tease people! Not make them feel good.

**R:** ...

**VO:** Ron loves it when fanfic writers make Draco take Hermione away and have 'kinky time'.

**R:** NO I DON'T! HERMIONE BELONGS WITH ME! ME! Not Draco! Not Harry! ME!

[Hermione stands up)

**Hermione:** I never knew you felt that way, Ron.

**R:** Well, now you do! You've broken my heart countless times. I loved you since I met you, Hermione.

**H:** Oh, really?

**VO:** Ooh! Juic-ceh!

(Hermione approaches the stage and takes Rons hands in her own)

**H:** Coz I always felt like that about you, Ron. ( moves closer and kisses him, passionately)

**Audience:** Oooooh…Ahhhhhhhhh…

**VO:** Ok break it up love birds.

**R:** Shuddup, you're ruining the moment.

**A:** Awwwwwwwww…

**VO:** I give up!

**H&R:** Give up?

**VO:** On Ron, he doesn't react! Its NO fun.

**H:** Well, you don't have to tease people.

**VO:**[whiny voice)BUT IT'S FUN!!

**H:** Well, it's not nice.

**VO:** Shut up Germione Hanger the blind, lizard-calling, disease contracting baby that likes girls and dances to Japanese Karaoke in her undies!! Oh! And kisses Rangas!

**Audience:** Rang-a! Kiss-er!

**R:** Lets go 'Mione.

**VO:** Hey you can't leave I haven't called you a Hermione loving, thermometer sucking Ranga that attracts fire brigades and rips off toemails!

[exit)

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Hoped you liked it! R&R please!

.KG.


	4. Draco Malfoy

Hey guys,

Now its Draco's turn!

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(Draco enters onstage, Violet follows behind)

Draco: Leave me alone woman! I need to pee!

Violet: But DRAY! I haven't finished kissing you yet!!

Draco: My name is DRACO! And now, thanks to you fat bitch- I'm sorry but you sound so fat- I've got a massive pash rash, a bladder that is full to burst and I've lost my boyfriend!! (looks around) Hey this isn't the toilets...

Voiceover: Know your boyfriends, know your pash buddies, know your toilets, know your Slytherins, know your Potters...

Draco: Oh shit, not you!

VO: Yes, me (laughs evilly) Draco, Draco Draco... You just admitted that you like BOYS!

Draco: I LIKE girls... sometimes.

VO: Well how come you are trying to get away from Violet? Shes smart, good looking, great kisser...

D: Ahh, also a MUGGLE! And an ORPHAN!

VO: Ahh, HARRY IS AN ORPHAN!

Violet: Hey! I'm only an orphan because of Olaf!

(Olaf gets the spotlight on him. He looks around nervously, takes a dump and giggles as he runs through the studio "EXIT")

Audience: Eww...

VO: Anyway, Draco licks Vegemite from between hobos' toes!

V: YUM! I mean, YUCK THATS SO GROSS! (Violet grabs a jar of Vegemite and smears it in every place except her mouth.)

D: No I don't! She does!(points at Violet). And where is the toilet?!

VO: Draco thinks that Mrs. Norris is SEXY! Meow!

D: YUCK!

VO: Draco thinks that Dumbledore is SEXY!

D: YUUCK!

VO: Draco thinks that Harry is SEXY!

D: Damn straight!

(Audience gasps)

VO: That's no where NEAR straight! That's damn curly, you Gaylord!

D: YOU'RE A HOMOPHOBE!!

VO: Am not.

D: Are too!

VO: Oh well, what is another word for Draco?

Audience: WE DONT KNOW!

VO: Gaylord! Hahahaha!

D: That's soo mean! Stop teasing me for my sexuality! Or... or... ILL PEE ON YOU!

VO: Okay then, Draco ISN'T gay.

D: HOW DARE YOU! Insult ME like that!

VO: What?... You dog licker!

V: What the hell? (licks vegemite)

(Harry runs in and hugs Draco)

VO: Well, what do you know? It's Harry Potter the dumb, nose-picking, watermelon-headed, five-timing pirate that eats fly spray and can't spell!!

HP: Shut up faggot face!

VO: Pfft... HA! You're the faggot!

HP: Come on Draco, lets escape this evil place!

VO: Ohh, now Harry Potter the dumb, nose-picking, watermelon-headed, five-timing pirate that eats fly spray and can't spell that is a gaylord wants to run away! OOH!

D: ARGH!

VO: Well now you know Draco Malfoy, the gay, gaylord, curly, not straight... OH FUCK IT! Draco's a man whore!

(Violet continues licking the Vegemite)

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Haha! Mc Donald's! I'm Lovin' it!

.KG. x

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End file.
